I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
