if only i could text you this smell
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
