You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
