He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
