Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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