just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
