Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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