Duck Duck Cougar?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
