I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
