I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
