Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
