i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
