i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
