i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
