kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
