I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
