Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
