In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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