would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
