I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i came on her dog
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
