wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
did i just pee glitter
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
