ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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