Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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