i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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