I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
