I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
