tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
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