Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
