Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
