the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
