The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
