my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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