Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
