why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
