Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
