I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
