my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
