What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
