On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
