Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
where are my eyebrows?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
