and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
