wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
