She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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