is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
