turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
