bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
