i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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