Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
