I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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