And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
