does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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