my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you would pick up someone in the library
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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